Today has been hard...is hard. So many things coming up to the surface. Up until now, I have been able to keep the winter blahs at bay. Not today. Ironically, the weather has warmed up, and it feels like Mother Nature is finally not trying to kill me by hypothermia, but this morning, I woke with the sleepy, undefined black dog of depression.
When it gets this way, there's nothing that can shake it. This is usually when my shopaholic, addictive, impatient, cranky personality kicks in. I stalk internet sites of "How to improve your life", "Take control", "The artist and depression", as well as Amazon.ca, Bullseye Glass On-line Shop and Getaway Vacations.
The impulse to spend money is extraordinary. I'm like a heroine addict looking for a quick fix.
Everything in my brain tells me that this impulse is nasty. I know that there is nothing I can buy that will change how I feel, yet the feeling persists. It's irrational.
I'm not sure how the rest of the evening will unfold. Wine perhaps? (Yikes, another unhealthy escape route.) Work in the studio? (Better, but where to find the energy.)
Maybe a good cry.