Little victories?

January 12, 2017

 I sure carry around a lot of debit and credit cards. In fairness, some are for the theatre, and some are for my studio. Still.


I have been debating on whether I should put some of them away. Technically, I shouldn't need them since I am on a buy nothing but necessities year, yet I still haven't done it.


Truth is, I feel naked without them.  How strange is that?! I guess I feel they are my antidote to catastrophic events. What if I get stranded and need to stay in a hotel?  What if I get lost and need to take a cab? What if I need to live off them for a month while I try to get home....(weird)


I think what's really going on is that money means comfort and safety.  Having access to money, whether plastic or paper, gives me a real feeling of security and independence. The "I can look after myself" feeling, and that's really important to me.


Ironically, there are sooo many things that money doesn't guard against; addiction, for example, yet I can't shake the need.


On a brighter note, since my shopping for a winter coat and boots date with Gabriel, I haven't bought a single thing. Not a coffee or even a pack of gum.  It's only been 10 days, but it feels like a small victory. 


Now if I could only bring myself to put away some of the plastic, I wouldn't feel like such a freak.  Not ready yet, though...



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